Before all this chaos started I remember praying and fasting that I would be a good mother while James was gone. I prayed and prayed that I would be able to handle all that was thrown at me. I also made a special prayer for Katelynn. That as my oldest child I would not take away her childhood, and lean on her too much for help. I believe that I am guilty of this. I have struggled knowing that there have been times where I have been sick or just down and out that I have needed her help, and I believe that it has become easy to ask her to do things and she willingly does them. I love this wonderful daughter of mine. She is an inspiration to me as she prepares herself for Baptism this August and understands so much at the young age of 7. I do not believe I would have understood as she does. She has asked questions this past year that I could not answer which made me want to read the Book of Mormon more to help her understand the things she seeks. She is smart and very inquisitive and wants to learn with me. I think that I have taken advantage of that; of her being older than her years. The Lord has brought me back to being a mother to my 7 year old. As M. Russell Ballard states “There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." I love my children and know that they are miracles and blessings from Heavenly Father. I know that I am not alone in this journey I am reminded by this statement from President Monson "At times some may think that no one cares--but someone always cares! Your Heavenly Father will not leave you to struggle alone, but stands ever ready to help." I fear that I have failed Katelynn in some way. This past week was a hard one. I put Katelynn in danger because I thought she was (adult) enough to know what she was doing. When I should have babied her and been the proper mother I know I can be. I cried and asked myself why I did not respond like I should have. I had been leaning on her so much that I was becoming blinded by her (adult) likeness. As I have been studying this week for guidance I have learned that it is ok to make mistakes and to learn from them. President Hinckley states it perfect he says "There has come to you as your birthright something beautiful and sacred and divine. Never forget that. Your Eternal Father is the great Master of the universe. He rules over all, but He also will listen to your prayers as His daughter and hear you as you speak with Him. He will answer your prayers. He will not leave you alone." I needed this moment in my life to bring it all back into perspective. I am not alone and I need to continue my daily scripture study and searching for the help I need. I also need to pray with more sincerity for the things I may be struggling with at the time. I have been learning that even during the comfortable times, I still need Heavenly Father more than ever. I love my kids with all of my being. I cannot imagine my life without any of them. Thank you Heavenly Father for the wakeup call I needed that. I will leave with this last quote by President Monson "When we remember that each of us is literally a spirit son or daughter of God, we will not find it difficult to approach our Heavenly Father in prayer. He appreciates the value of this raw material which we call life. 'Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God' (D&C 18:10). His pronouncement inspires purpose in our lives." I will live by this in fullness of my heart I hope you will too.
6 comments:
You are awesome! Loved this post.
You are a good mother, I know you do the very best you can. That is all any of us can do. Being a mother is complicated, and we never really know how we did until our kids grow up and have kids of their own.
You are a wonderful mother - AND always have been. God takes care of our every need - we only must do the footwork - and you do yours daily. Blessings to you...
I too am guilty of this. I was feeling the same as you. I have been thinking of this for a long time, then my oldest son Ty talked with another son Travis about how he had to help out so much when I was in bed with my back and Steve worked two jobs to take care of us. He told Travis how he would be sad sometimes that he had to stay in and help me and they all got to go play. Then he told him how I made him go to his friends first then come home. He could see I was sad to ask him to help so much but came to see how I really did need help. His testimony grew and he said he felt very close to me and to Heavenly Father. He told me to never feel guilt. I helped him become the person he is today, and Ty is a great son. He said this helped him become more like his Dad and that helped me more then he will ever know. You are a great mom and you love your kids with all of your heart. Try not to feel so bad like I did. Love you girl.
Heidi- What a wonderful post- you brought tears to my eyes and I can feel your sincerity. Thank you for the reminder to let me children be children while they are, and to not expect them to grow too quickly! You are a GREAT mom in a difficult situation and I personally admire your ability to endure and survive while James is fulfilling his duties. You are a stong person, and I know that with Heavenly Fathers help you can be the mom you want to be- if fact, you already are:) Keep your chin up- I pray for your family!
Thank you for your comments, and for sharing with me your experiences. I do know it is not too late, and my eyes are now open. I just felt like I needed to share.
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